i'll miss you,padjee..

You see, Padjee and I has this bond.

I've only known him for months but he captivated my heart.

I remember the first time i was with him was from a volleyball training @ my highschool.

Afterwards, he was there for some of the memorable days of my life:

We went swimming.
Watched Eclipse 'almost' premiere.
Bulalo moments @ Tagaytay.
Partying with my cousins.
Going jogging and hitting the gym for the first time! :)

He shed me from the heat of the sun and the pouring rain.

With him,i was like a bad girl feeling safe from being caught.

Now that it is time for him to go, i guess that's the way it is.

We cannot hold on to things that we don't own - that i don't own.

How i wish Padjee is mine,so he doesn't have to be sold.

Yes, he is for sale. For Padjee is a Pajero and writing about this is insane!!

so long my luckless romance...

i once loved this man
i cant believe that he'll be the one..

we started of as good friends,
it evolved into something else...

he is one of a kind,
one of the rares that one would find..

falling in love with him is easy,
falling in love with him is like ABC..

he's someone that loves to talk about his dreams,
he's someone that cud fufill them all by all means..

before i forget,he's one hell of a good-looking guy,
i cant take my eyes off him,OH MY!!

he treated me well,he showered me with care,
he made me feel special,made me feel like we were a pair..

he made me feel that it'd be forever,
he made me feel that it'd be for as long as i would remember..

we'd go together anywhere in the city even out of towns,
we've been through each others' ups and downs..

with the words i said i simply cant deny,
that i fell in love with him, hating him would be a lie..

but then,our story is a reality of love through time,
not all stories are ending up fine...

this is one of those stories that does not have a happy ending,
accept it for a fact that my heart is breaking..

tears from my eyes are falling recklessly,
for i thought we'd be happy endlessly..

i cant blame him for hurting me unconsciously,
for he knows nothing about how i feel,"officially"..

i thought he'd be the best i ever had,
but now i know that someone better is coming,and im glad..

ill forget my feelings,there's nothing else he could do,
cause i already realized,i was a fool to believe that he loves me too..



* so long my luckless romance..


-repost from my facebook account :)

realizations...

So what i've been busy this past few days?Actually,i dont know.I'm always online.Chat with friends.Watch some mushy stuff.For a few weeks now,i kept on doing the same thing again and again.

Then I bumped into Mabel.(oh well,not literally coz im here in the Philippines and she's in the states..)..what i meant was,i was able to have this chitchat with her and she made me realize that I haven't been blogging much these days. Then I also realized, how dull my life had been doing things again and again..

RANDOM STUFF:

     when i was younger, i never thought that i will fall in love at a young age..i used to tell myself that i will not coz i was childish and boyish at the same time way back then..haha..even my highschool classmates thought i was a guy when they first saw me..i find it really funny coz all i keep talking about right now is love love love..

     loving someone made me know myself more..i have discovered many things that i thought i was not capable of..i have written letters that made me express myself more to that person..made poems of love..and even made crafts i didnt know that i can do..(coz im not artistic really..LOL)..sigh..love love love..

     when i love, i tend to give my myself completely..thinking again, i realize that i already did..i love without hesitations..i give without damn conditions..and even understand the hardest confusions..maybe that is why when i get hurt, every inch of me suffers from pain..but there is one thing i still like about that fact..its after i got hurt,every inch of me also becomes stronger..i have actually been bruised. and it really did hurt. that is why i think i have become bitter.. but i guess, no one can blame me.

     the truth is we all feel the same -  empty,scared,disappointed..all along have been pretending to be okay just for the sake...only just to end up failing because no one seemed to give a damn but then because we all feel the same, we are all actually numb. not feeling a thing at all. to care not for anybody else's feelings..but i did not..

     erase erase erase..this is not me. i actually am supposed to be strong..someone told me that I AM STRONG..but i guess my wound will always make me weak..but i cannot rest and just do nothing. i am the kind who doesn't do well by only staying at one place..i have to have something to do to overcome such.. even if no one cared for me. at least i have other stuff. or at least i wish i had other stuff to do...

     when i love, for one moment there you think everything is going smooth...then there will always be a thing or two that is so out of the picture and everything is ruined in just a snap...how come nothing ever go the way "i" want it to...even just for once..there's always the tendency for this "one" little or huge thing to go out of sync...and it just makes me think...that i am incomplete...too much drama..too much unbearable pain..too much failure and disappointments...yet..ironically we are alive and kicking and breathing still...

 what may complete us does not make us perfect...it only makes us not incomplete...perfection..meaning - everything goes the way we want it to and things happen beacause we want them to...but that too would be an imperfection...because things happen for reasons that are out of our hands..reasons that only the divine and powerful know of..when i love, having the thought of the person who once made me happy makes my heart sing and dance with delight from the sight and feel of him.. But suddenly, I stop and remember, “it can never be..”..a cliche....i am happy..the moments we've shared together are priceless and i do not intend to make those be forgetten..i'll always cherish coz when i love,i am happy..even sometimes i only thought i am..